This past week has been a doozy of a week. My husband finally decided to come clean to his father about how we feel about his girlfriend and her children. Only, it was the morning after his father had some medical things taken care of and the morning of bowling league. It was also a day that he worked, so there was a good chance that my ride to bowling was going to be his dad and his dad’s girlfriend. Let’s just say that his dad didn’t take our dislike of her very well, yet thankfully I was able to get a ride from my grandmother to the bowling alley. A few pleasantries were exchanged, but I could tell that we were in the dog house with his father and the girlfriend didn’t even want to sit at the same table as us the whole night. Now, I may not like those two together, but I am always nice and cordial and I always treat people with respect. It is now Wednesday evening and we still have not heard a peep from his dad. He posts those vague yet relative quote pictures on Facebook, but nothing has really been said about the talk since it was had.
At first I was nervous, felt bad, felt guilty, felt horrible that my husband may lose his connection with his father. But after thinking about everything and talking with my husband about things he remembers from the talk (he doesn’t remember much because he was nervous and wound up), I’m just getting more and more pissed off at his dad. One, for basically choosing someone who he has admitted he doesn’t want to marry and doesn’t really see much of a future, if any, with, and someone whose children are older than my husband and I, yet act like they are at least 10 years younger than us, over his own son and family members. Everyone wants you to be honest until your honesty doesn’t agree with the way they want you to feel or think. Then you are just the bitch or jerk who crapped all over their good time. It’s not like we said he needs to kick her out and move on or anything, he just told her that we don’t think that she is a good match for him, that her family are toxic people (not over exaggerating) and that we don’t want to be around them anymore. The girlfriend I can tolerate for the most part, but her children, no. No thank you.
The other part that has me upset, is the fact that not only have I lost the relationship I once had with my father because he hit his midlife crisis and basically alienated himself from the family, but I am now losing a father-in-law whom I really cared about and was so excited to spend time with and do things with. All because we have our own opinions about the people we want to spend our time with. It’s bad enough that I grew up with a family (on my father’s side) who always made my brother and me feel like we were second best. I never thought that when I got married that I would have to go through that all over again with another person’s family. And be second to people who aren’t even family! It hurts. It really does. I know my husband only likes to talk about it so much, and then he is ready to drop it and move on. But it hurts me that his father is so quick to choose someone else over him when he told him over a year ago that he would never let his relationship come to that point. Well, he has come to that point and gone so far past it that the point is almost a memory.
Life can be hard, life can suck, but the one thing we all hope to have at the end of the day is the love of our families. We still love his dad, just as much as before. That will never change. We just want him to be happy, but we also want to feel like we matter to him just as much (if not more than) people who aren’t even family. I know that sounds kind of selfish, but we have put up with so much from that family for 4 years. We have bit our tongues almost to the point of losing them, just to keep peace for his dad and to keep peace between us and his dad. But there comes a point in your life where you have to stop living it for the happiness of everyone else and start living it for your own happiness. Otherwise, it isn’t your life you are living.