A blog about my life, my likes, and my crocheting/web designing

Archive for the ‘life’ Category

Time for that bubble..

So much family drama going on! I could totally use that privacy bubble that Dr Cox uses on an episode of Scrubs. My mom and brother are embroiled in a feud and I have received some of the shrapnel. 

In other news, my hubby’s grandma came over today to take me shopping for things we needed for the baby shower we are throwing for my hubby’s cousin. It’s getting close and I’m getting excited. I just hope that the party lives up to mine and grandma’s expectations. I’m hoping for a fun day where the mommy to be can relax and feel the love.  I keep forgetting what day it is though and stressing. Myself out thinking I have no time to get anything done. Lol. I think that’s a symptom of the shrapnel. Hahaha. 

This evening the family sat down and we watched Pan together. It was a cute movie. I can see why some people didn’t care for it, but it wasn’t bad. It was nice to see a movie about a different part of Peter Pan’s life.  

So after the rocky start to the day where I wanted to just crawl into a little protective bubble, it did start to be a good day. Now it’s time for some winding down and sleep. Tomorrow will be another long day filled with things to do and craziness. Yet I’m sure it will be a good day. Every day where you open your eyes and are able to spend time with the ones you love is a good day.

Happy crafting everyone. 

Craft show blues

I almost forgot! The craft show I worked hard for recently went okay, but not as well as I had hoped.  It was a slow day and there were a lot of lookyloos.  I did make a little profit though, so the day wasn’t a total loss.  The big seller was my tooth fairy pillows.  People loved them!  They are a pretty fun idea.  They have a ribbon to hang them on the bedroom door so that the tooth isn’t hidden under the pillow and is more easily found.  I will be making more for the next show coming up at the end of April. I hope they sell just as well at this next one.  It will be at a library, so I want to make a bunch of bookmarks as well.  Those should hopefully sell there.  The up side of not selling too much at this last show is that I had a lot of stuff to add at the consignment shop where I have a nice big shelving unit with my stuff in it.  With Easter coming up, I’m hoping that people buy a lot of the stuffed animals I made for in baskets.  We shall see.

I do admit that I am disappointed with how the last show went, but my hubby is one of my biggest supporters and was like, look, there are a few more shows coming up.  It really warms my heart that he is so supportive of me and my hobby.

So time to shake off the lack of success from the last show and look forward to the next.  You have to think positive.  Happy Crafting!

Anxiety…how I cope…

A while ago, I was diagnosed with high anxiety.  Be it from my childhood growing up or the various hard times I had through my teens and early 20’s, this has helped me deal with it some.  Knowing what is terrorizing you in the middle of the night and keeping you from sleep, or making you stay at home in your comfy pajamas and avoiding those parties or invites to the bars from your friends, makes it easier to handle and get past.  After some blood work, I found out my vitamin D was low, which can aggravate anxiety and depression.  I started taking vitamin D supplements and I really can tell the difference.  I’ve also purchased and have been gifted some wonderful adult coloring books by Johanna Basford.  If you haven’t heard of them or seen them in the stores, go look for them!  They are wonderful.  It really does help to relieve stress when you’re having a bad day.  Crocheting also helps me with the day to day anxiety and stress.  Making something beautiful can distract anyone from sad thoughts or thoughts that you aren’t good enough.  I keep avoiding the other activity that my therapist informed me will help as well.  Exercise.  I’m a stay at home mom.  By the time I feed and care for the kids and my husband, take care of things around the house, plus trying to start potty training our almost 3 year old, there isn’t a whole lot of time for exercise, let alone sleep or fun like when I was younger.  I know that I need to start.  Losing those extra pounds I’ve been carrying around since having my son almost 3 years ago would be a big self esteem boost for me.  Not that I’m overweight or anything, but I used to be in so much better shape.  I keep telling myself that I’ll start after this holiday, or after this week, or maybe tomorrow, yet I don’t have the self discipline needed to do it on my own.  We only have one vehicle, so it’s hard to try and meet people at the gym.  I could go on with the list of excuses that I have as to why I haven’t started working out like I know I should, but I just don’t want to.  It’s hard and I didn’t have a good example growing up of taking care of my body.

Anxiety is something that not a lot of people care to know about or actually acknowledge as an actual disease, so not many people have sympathy for those who go through it.  It can be debilitating at times, but when you get yourself checked out and actually go through the steps to help manage it, anxiety doesn’t have to be something that keeps you from living your life.  It also helps to have a partner who supports you and tries to help you when they are able.  My husband works around 13 hours a day around 4-5 days a week and the days he is off are also rather busy in our house, so he helps when he is able.  We are slowly learning and getting this marriage thing down.  The support is always there though.

I am writing about this today because this morning, I was having a really bad anxiety day.  A little nap while my son was napping, some coloring and some sunshine have helped a lot since this morning.  Every time you experience a bad day, it makes you think about the good days and value them more.  You stop and go through all the different tools you have to battle the invisible monster attacking you and slowly move through them until you find the one that works that day.  Could I use a longer nap? Probably, but for now, I’m ok.  One thing you learn as a mother is that you don’t take as much care of yourself as you do the others in the house.  It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.  The hubby is pretty good about keeping me in check on that, but I slip on that one a good bit anyways.  What mother doesn’t though?

Now it’s off to dinner making, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, homework and other odd jobs around the house until bedtime.  Remember to take care of yourself while you are taking care of your loved ones.  You are important too!

Craft Show Jitters 

My next craft show is this coming Saturday. I have so many crocheted projects that just need to be sewn together or finished in some way. I’m starting to get nervous and scared that I won’t get it all done. Yet I am putting off getting up out of bed and starting my day. I have an almost 3 year old to run after all day, an 11 year old at school and my hubby doesn’t have a day off until Friday. I’m sure that I will get enough done and ready for the show, but I always work myself up and worry that I’ll never make it. This bed feels so cozy and the blankets are so warm. And my son is still asleep. 

Maybe just a few more minutes…

New family, same rejection…

This past week has been a doozy of a week.  My husband finally decided to come clean to his father about how we feel about his girlfriend and her children.  Only, it was the morning after his father had some medical things taken care of and the morning of bowling league.  It was also a day that he worked, so there was a good chance that my ride to bowling was going to be his dad and his dad’s girlfriend.  Let’s just say that his dad didn’t take our dislike of her very well, yet thankfully I was able to get a ride from my grandmother to the bowling alley.  A few pleasantries were exchanged, but I could tell that we were in the dog house with his father and the girlfriend didn’t even want to sit at the same table as us the whole night.  Now, I may not like those two together, but I am always nice and cordial and I always treat people with respect.  It is now Wednesday evening and we still have not heard a peep from his dad.  He posts those vague yet relative quote pictures on Facebook, but nothing has really been said about the talk since it was had.

At first I was nervous, felt bad, felt guilty, felt horrible that my husband may lose his connection with his father.  But after thinking about everything and talking with my husband about things he remembers from the talk (he doesn’t remember much because he was nervous and wound up), I’m just getting more and more pissed off at his dad.  One, for basically choosing someone who he has admitted he doesn’t want to marry and doesn’t really see much of a future, if any, with, and someone whose children are older than my husband and I, yet act like they are at least 10 years younger than us, over his own son and family members.  Everyone wants you to be honest until your honesty doesn’t agree with the way they want you to feel or think.  Then you are just the bitch or jerk who crapped all over their good time.  It’s not like we said he needs to kick her out and move on or anything, he just told her that we don’t think that she is a good match for him, that her family are toxic people (not over exaggerating) and that we don’t want to be around them anymore.  The girlfriend I can tolerate for the most part, but her children, no.  No thank you.

The other part that has me upset, is the fact that not only have I lost the relationship I once had with my father because he hit his midlife crisis and basically alienated himself from the family, but I am now losing a father-in-law whom I really cared about and was so excited to spend time with and do things with.  All because we have our own opinions about the people we want to spend our time with.  It’s bad enough that I grew up with a family (on my father’s side) who always made my brother and me feel like we were second best.  I never thought that when I got married that I would have to go through that all over again with another person’s family.  And be second to people who aren’t even family! It hurts.  It really does.  I know my husband only likes to talk about it so much, and then he is ready to drop it and move on.  But it hurts me that his father is so quick to choose someone else over him when he told him over a year ago that he would never let his relationship come to that point.  Well, he has come to that point and gone so far past it that the point is almost a memory.

Life can be hard, life can suck, but the one thing we all hope to have at the end of the day is the love of our families.  We still love his dad, just as much as before.  That will never change.  We just want him to be happy, but we also want to feel like we matter to him just as much (if not more than) people who aren’t even family.  I know that sounds kind of selfish, but we have put up with so much from that family for 4 years.  We have bit our tongues almost to the point of losing them, just to keep peace for his dad and to keep peace between us and his dad.  But there comes a point in your life where you have to stop living it for the happiness of everyone else and start living it for your own happiness.  Otherwise, it isn’t your life you are living.

Bowling and disc golf

My husband and I joined his dad’s bowling league. It’s been a lot of fun and last night I actually bowled a 175! Personal best 🙂
Today he has a disc golf tournament with his coworkers. It’s a little cold out, but it’s all good. I got my hoodie so I’ll be ok.
Gotta get my C & D animals made today for the animal appliqués. But for now, spending time with my guy 🙂
Have a crafty day!

Sleepless nights…

It is 12:23am. I am still wide awake while my husband (still not used to that lol) and son sleep on the other side of the bed. I have birthday ideas for my daughters upcoming party running through my head. Ideas for the invitations. People who I hope can make it to the party.
Hopes for people who can’t make it to the party…..
That’s the part that gives me anxiety attacks.
I love my new father in law. He is literally the best!! It’s his “girlfriend ” that I’m not crazy about. That and her children/grandchildren. I’m not trying to sound rude. I’m really not. It’s just, she is not a nice person, her daughter is not a nice person, the grandkids, well, one of them is a sweetheart, but how do you say “she can come but the rest of you can stay home” without sounding like the wicked witch of the east? The problem comes because we invite his dad and “her” to our children’s parties, yet she always brings along the grandkids, without asking. She assumes we consider them family, yet we don’t. And honestly, if I could have just his dad come, it would make things a lot easier.
His girlfriend decided to have some choice words with my mother at the end of our wedding reception 3 weeks ago and it wasn’t pretty. My mother did nothing wrong, wasn’t talking to or about his dad’s girlfriend, yet she decided to verbally attack my mother for no good reason. This is the kind of stuff that happens on a regular basis. She says or does something to piss off or offend someone, yet his dad either isn’t around but automatically sides with her, or he just chooses to act oblivious yet still sides with her “to keep the peace at home”. It has driven a huge wedge in the family. And now, after the wedding fiasco, which was the only bad part about our wedding, my mother has said that she will not go to places where that woman is invited. This makes birthdays and holidays tricky. I’m not good with confrontation. My husband was taking things home when the wedding fiasco happened so I had to deal with it myself and didn’t have a clue how to go through with it without my voice cracking every few words like a boy going through puberty. :/ not fun.
Again, I love his dad, he is the best father-in-law I could ever ask for. My own dad has recently bailed on my brother and I, so it’s nice to have a father type figure who actually cares again. I just keep hoping that my husband will have a talk with his dad about everything and how we feel about what has happened and things to come.
As a mother, all I want is for my girl to have the best party ever and have lots of fun with her family and friends. I know that if that woman comes and she brings her grandkids, she will try to steal the show and in one way or another, try to ruin my baby’s birthday.
I wish there was a guidebook to help in life situations such as these, yet sadly, there is not. So I will be praying for some kind of miracle for my little girls party.
Sorry for the ranting, just some things u really needed to get off my chest. My husband picks on me and says that I need to grow a back bone and stand up for myself, yet I don’t want to drive a wedge between him and his dad. I’ve basically lost my dad and I know how much it hurts. He has already lost his mother around five years ago, I couldn’t do that to him. It’s just not fair that the rest of the family has to grit their teeth and put up with someone who doesn’t fit in to the family at all just to “keep the peace”.